Decisions, decisions (Part 2)

I posted this about 8 hours before my Decision made post when I was still confused about which college to go to, but somehow I deleted it...and since I already made a college decision, this is kind of irrelevant. However, I really like what I have written so I am going to post it anyway. There's no law saying I can't.

*****

I lied. I said that I was going to post at least once a week. That was three months ago and since then I have posted, um, zero times.

To be honest, I just haven't had the time or motivation to post. Whenever I think that maybe I should write something, my mind tells me that I should be doing something more worthwhile (like studying for ochem). Otherwise when I do have free time while I am at home, I usually spend it doing the oh-so-important tasks of snapchatting or sitting around accomplishing absolutely nothing. 

Recently, I have been going through one of the hardest times of my life. I try my best to keep a happy exterior but I don't know how much more I can take. With college decisions, classes down at the U, and other stuff that I'm not even going to get into right now, I have found myself slowly falling apart. While I couldn't be more excited to go to college and start the next chapter of my life, a part of me is worried about how I am going to make it there without mentally breaking down. 

Just the mere thought of college sends me into a world of stress. And since college is what I mainly think about nowadays, I am basically constantly stressed. It's starting to hinder my ability to function like a normal, sane person.  I thought that I would know where I'm going to be spending the next four year of my life by now. You would think that by only applying to two schools, I would have made my decision so much easier than most of my peers. But it's not. In fact, I sometimes wonder whether or not my peers are analyzing their decisions as much as I am. I have compared a million different factors and still have not come to a conclusion.

I was accepted to both the U and Madison in November. Do you hear me? NOVEMBER. As in four months ago. I really don't think that the decision should be this difficult. 

My heart says to go to Madison but my head tells me to go to the U. The U is more logical in so many ways, except my heart sinks every time I think about missing out on going to Madison. On Friday it came to the point where I started crying bawling because I knew that going to the U would be the responsible thing to do for the sake of my family. This was a low point for me, and I'd like to blame the tears on hormones. Before this, I thought that maybe I could suck it up and settle for the U. However, after the episode on Friday, I realized that I would not be truly happy going there. I go there everyday so I know what the feel of the campus is, I know what the classes are like. And I don't love it anymore. Maybe this is a selfish thing to say, but I thought college was supposed to be MY four years. I want to start it being happy and excited, and I just don't think that I will feel that if I choose to go to the U. 

Ask me right now where I want to go. That's easy to answer. Madison for sure. But ask me where I think I should go...That I'm not so sure about.

Like I said before, we'll see what happens. For real this time. 

Decision made

It's funny how things can change in such a short amount of time. Five hours ago, I was still undecided about college. Now I have confirmed my enrollment at UW Madison. I cannot stop smiling, so I know that I made the right decision.

Go Badgers :)

End of the year resolution

I officially suck at blogging. Ever since the school year started, I've posted once. But now that I'm on winter break, and will be half on winter break until the end of January, I'm going to make it a personal goal to blog at least once a week. It shouldn't be that hard, right? That's what I'm going to tell myself.

Decisions, decisions

After reading my friend Taylor's post When I Grow Up I realized that much of what she said describes me. I've spent quite a bit of the past few months wishing that I was done with high school, wishing that I was 18, wishing that I was already in college. When my friends who were seniors last year left for college, I remember being so jealous. I don't know why I'm so eager to grow up. Maybe it's because I want to be able to live by my own rules. Maybe it's because I can't go to a lot of concerts that I would like to because they are 18 plus. Maybe it's just because I want a change. I don't know.

Last month I was accepted to both the U of M and Madison. Ever since I got these two acceptance letters my mind has been racing back and forth, processing the pros and cons of each, imagining myself walking down either University Avenue or State Street. I'm more familiar with the U of M because I take classes there, but I also love Madison. It's the classic Gophers vs Badgers battle. 

This is one of the toughest decisions of my life. I'm still trying to figure out who I am, yet I'm being forced to make a decision that could potentially impact the way the rest of my life is going to pan out. Like Taylor said, "In high school, few will figure out who they are, some will think they figure out who they are, but most will have no idea the entire time." I'm one of those people who changes their mind once every other day. It's really quite troublesome. 

I've also been wondering what it is that I want to be doing in the future. I thought I had this all figured out. I would go to college, study chemistry, and go on to med school. Recently, I've been second guessing this path. People have been telling me that getting a bare chemistry degree will make it difficult to find jobs if I don't go on to med school--they're probably right. I could go into chemical engineering, and I actually have been thinking about it quite a bit recently, but to be honest, that's not something that I feel passionate about. And I won't allow myself to spend my life doing something that I don't enjoy. Right now, I know two things for sure: 1. I want to be able to find a job at the Children's Hospital when I grow up. 2. I want to be happy.

I guess we'll see what happens. 

Regret

Listen to this

I need to give props to Cities 97 for introducing me to this amazing song. Love it.

Anna Sun---Walk the Moon

Fly by

In the blink of an eye, summer time passed by. It seems like just yesterday that I was drinking iced coffee and walking the streets of downtown wayzata with one of my best friends enjoying the first evening of summer. The time has gone by too quickly.

Like I mentioned in a previous post, this summer has been both the shittiest and the best of my life. I I think the good outweigh the bad though, which is what's most important. To quote something I saw on pinterest, "The only thing that makes it a part of your life is that you keep thinking about it." So true. I need to focus on the good things.

This summer, I basically took on a Woohoo I'm almost done with high school perspective. I didn't really do anything productive for school or college, but I did have an amazing couple months spending time with friends and family. Which I am now regretting somewhat because I could have put a little more effort into college research...but oh well. What's done is done. College stuff will get done eventually. I'll look back in ten years and smile about the unforgettable memories I've made. 

In the past week alone I've gone thrifting around Minneapolis (I bought a pair of sevens shorts for five dollars. If that isn't the biggest steal you've seen, I don't know what is), I saw the Dirtyheads and Tristan Prettyman, I went to Perkins at 1:30 in the morning, I've gone to see Coldplay (concert of the year--still speechless), and I went ziplining and accomplished a high ropes course. Wow, run-on sentence much? Use your rhetorical skills and figure out why I did that. Guys, I was dangling 120 feet from the ground. On top of that, more than once I laughed until tears were streaming down my face. One of the best weeks of my life. 

Coldplay. They came into the audience and the spot they chose just happened to be right where we were sitting. Lucky us! 

I'll enjoy the last couple weeks of summer. Before I know it I'll once again be packing my bag with notebooks and pencils instead of sunscreen and a swimsuit.