One more year to go

As senior year approaches, the reality of having to apply for colleges is starting to set in. I absolutely abhor this. Someone might as well be holding a sign that says "Welcome to the World of Stressmania". Especially since I'm not sure which college I want to go to and also what I want to major in. Teenage life crisis. Ever since I was 7 years old, I've wanted to be a doctor. A pulmonologist to be exact. But now I'm just not sure anymore, I'm feeling kind of lost. Cue the depressing orchestra music.

I have come to a few conclusions that might aid in my decision making though.

1. My legs turn to jelly when it comes to seeing other peoples' blood. That could be a problem if I decided to pursue medicine.
2. I hate calculus. 
3. I love little kids. Particularly preschoolers and kindergartners. They're so cute. They help make my stresses go away with their innocent and random questions. 
4. I would like to go to grad school.
5. I kind of want to be an elementary school teacher.

I realize that 4 and 5 contradict eachother, teachers probably don't need to go to grad school. Do you see my crisis now? I'm a firm believer in doing and going for whatever makes me happy. I don't want to end up spending twenty or thirty years inside an ashy gray cubicle. A good portion of this summer will need to be spent thinking about where I want to go and what I want to do. Maybe I could look into child psychology. Or pediatric radiology. I need to find something that fuses together my love for kids and my love for science and medicine. Being a teacher would be a lot of fun, but I've invested so much time into science and math courses here at the high school that it seems a shame to let all of that go to waste. What do I do?

It's stressing me out, because I feel like this will determine my entire future. I am already starting to regret the time that I have wasted in high school so far. Time that I could have spent studying, when instead I was just sitting around on facebook or talking to my friends, while wishing for the paper to hurry up and write itself or willing my pencil to just solve for x already. But since time machines haven't been invented yet, there is no way for me to change what I've already done ( or haven't done). So I'm just going to have to take what I have and apply to schools that really fit who I am and what I want to be. I can't mess this up.

So long, farewell

I hate goodbyes.

Maybe it's the bittersweet hugs and awkward small talk. I never know when it's the right time to leave or when it's the right time to start shutting the door and leading the other person out. Do I keep talking? Or just say bye and leave? But that makes it seem like I'm in too much of a rush to get away from him or her. What to do, what to do. And when it's someone you really care about, and they are leaving for a long time... Oh boy. Tears, please, dear god, stay inside my eyeballs. No? Well. Okay then. Someone pass me the kleenex. 


Saying goodbye seems so easy, so simple. But it really isn't. And there are a few goodbyes that I am dreading that are coming up. Some of my friends are leaving for college and I can't imagine high school without them. It's hitting me hard. This is the first year that close friends are leaving me. They are starting a new chapter in their lives, while I'll still be stuck here in this hell hole that they call high school. Don't get me wrong, most of my friends are in my class and will be there right beside me during senior year, but still. It won't be the same. 


I'll be okay though. 

My Summer Playlist

Whether I am picking out my clothes, cruising down the highway, or putting on my makeup, I will always be listening to music. It's a habit. Unless I'm doing homework that I really need to concentrate on or something else that requires complete focus, I will most likely be dancing and singing to some of my favorite songs. Boy, choir is really missing out by not having me in it. Just kidding, of course.

1. Ships in the Night---Mat Kearney
2. Angel With a Shotgun---The Cab
3. Pictures of you---The Last Goodnight
4. Heaven--O.A.R.
5. Closer to Love---Mat Kearney
6. When I Look Into Your Eyes---Shane Harper
7. Back to Back---The Ready Set
8. Sweet Serendipity---Lee Dewyze
9. Let Her Go---Passenger
10. Kiss Me Slowly---Parachute
11. The Wrong Direction---Passenger

If you have some time, you should check some of these out! Maybe it's not your typical music genre, but these past few weeks I've really been enjoying myself listening to these.

Here, just for fun. At least listen to this one: